Last week presidential candidate John Edwards stood subsequent to his wife Elizabeth announcing she now has bone cancer. She stood by with a smile and confidence we have develop into accustomed to given that 2004 when she faced and conquered breast cancer. She is preparing to undergo one more medical protocol to stem the tide.
Ironically, only a week prior to my 30 year old friend, who has undergone 15 months of intense chemo protocols shared the identical news. What is distinctive for my friend is she did not get the respite from remedies she so anticipated.
Fifteen months ago, her physician reported the diagnosis of an aggressive third stage breast cancer. A double mastectomy and chemo began immediately. Her intrepid spirit kept her facing each day. Managing her work and treatment schedule quietly and with precision, she hardly skipped a beat.
During her 1st round of chemotherapy, she endured hair loss wearing her favorite baseball cap. The physicians decided to start her on a second round of chemo with one other experimental drug keeping her just about every other week schedule hooked up to an IV via the permanent arm port. Her hair growth returned through this round, and miraculously she avoided extreme side effects by either treatment.
3 weeks ago, we celebrated the final round of the 15 months IV solution drip. She hoped for a respite from the schedule of therapy and physician appointments. Maybe she and her husband could squeeze a genuine vacation in.
She was experiencing some lower back pain and protocol dictated to check it out.One way more CAT and MRI scan had been scheduled.
Along with her husband and extended loved ones they endured waiting for outcomes more than a weekend that seemed longer than usual. Last Monday night she referred to as to give me the news she received earlier in the day. Yes, spots on the bone in two areas and on her liver. She would invest the next day in conference with the specialists.
Hanging up the phone soon after an hour an half together, I cried. I felt the feelings I don't forget right after hearing the diagnosis of my late husband. The memories came back with an intensity I was surprised to knowledge.
I thought of her young husband who has managed his role as husband and support technique to his wife of six years. He is a typical young man born and raised on a farm hunting and fishing a passion and a robust perform ethic that together, this young couple, have built their dreams of residence and family.
In an instant, life changed for them 15 months ago. Together, they lived their lives as normal as 1 can. Weekends at their cabin, loved ones holidays, weddings, births, deaths, interspersed with the medical protocols became their life.
When we chatted, she spoke of her disappointment. The "why" concerns emerged. The "what is subsequent" questions take over. She talks about everything on her mind. For the initially time I hear her say, "If I don't make it I want to make sure that..." She's confronts her mortality with a depth that bespeaks her will power.
With an astuteness of a patient who knows the disease, she makes plans how to confront the subsequent actions. First, she expects to go forward with the protocols presented. She sighs, "I'm certainly tired of it all, but I've accomplished fairly properly without having a lot of side effects." It is the truth. She's performed well and she is tired of method. But she is not willing to give up. She has issues to accomplish and she intends to do it.
We've talked about the process on a few occasions. Some of her views are profound for this listener. She shares there are days when she wishes loved ones and pals would not hover. There are times she feels smothered with too a lot attention. "I need to have my space usually," she says. "I know they are so concerned and appreciate me, but I wonder if they are way more afraid than I am?" she says just about wistfully.
She admits she gets tired working part-time, but she desires it to assist make life normal. "I'm carrying out one thing for others," she says. Because I work with her also component-time I attest to that truth. Her heart touches her challenged clients. She believes in them, sees their potential, and advocates relentlessly for them. What her customers see is a woman who has shared her illness and demonstrates to them, we are all challenged by one thing, but we can still accomplish and do our preferred.
We share a laugh about how she is so organized and neat. Her husband has learned some of those abilities as effectively. He now washes and folds clothes without any of the whites turning colors! Her aim now is to assure he can maintain the rudiments of housework. "Someday, he may possibly require to be in a position to do that," she muses. Then she moves the conversation forward to decisions to make starting her medical protocol.
I am inspired by this young woman who is my friend. I see her strength and her vulnerability at the very same time. She does not want pity or sympathy rather, she asks for honesty, support and space for her to walk the unknown path of her journey.
What she does not will need is hovering sympathy, platitudes, or attempting to gloss more than the reality of her process. Too generally she finds herself protecting everybody else for the reason that she knows they are in denial. She knows they love her and she's all to conscious they don't know what to do but over-defend her.
She will have great and poor days. She will laugh and she will cry. She requires the space to do both with out our own fears emerging with uncomfortable by her discomfort. She requires to be held and to be left alone. With out a doubt, she will tell us when she wants either one if given the space and permission for her honest feelings to emerge with out denying they exist.
It is true, she is in for the fight of her life. But, I have to don't forget she is living each day as it comes. We will continue to perform together sharing our lives and experiences. We will laugh and share tears. Each and every day is a gift from God. Neither 1 of us knows the length of days we have been given.
She says to me, "Life is short. I want to live it." Yes, it is brief and a large number of are wasting their days not living it. But not my buddy...she's going to live.
©MCStrom 25-March-07 DCN Opinion Column
